What do you do when your family is not supportive of your EMS work schedule? We work long hours, never knowing for sure what time we will get off. We work holidays, birthdays, and many other important days and nights. We can’t just call in sick or demand to get off work on time, just because we have plans. So, it is understandable that many spouses or significant others, children, friends, and other family would not understand or be happy about our work schedules.

Many people in EMS work 12, 24, or 48 hour shifts, sometimes even longer. We might work a few days in a row, then have a couple days off. And there is always a chance for overtime shifts, which give us extra money, but put us away from home even longer. Sometimes it is difficult to find the happy balance between working enough to pay the bills, and working so much you miss out on your home and social life. What about those who work night shift? You work your 12ish hour night shift, and then want to go home and go to sleep, but nope… you have household chores to do, your daughter has a play at school and your son has a soccer game, the family wants to eat a meal with you, or countless other reasons why you can’t just go to sleep for the day.

“While the national divorce rate remains at 50%, the divorce rate for First Responders averages between 60-75%. This is the highest percentage of any other community demographics, primarily because of the vocational stress associated with this critical area of public safety” (First Responders Initiative, 2023).

No one can deny that our chosen career can put a strain on our family, but it also puts a strain on us, our mental and physical health. You can’t be expected to work all day every day and live a healthy life. We need time to rest, recover, eat healthy meals, and socialize like normal functioning adults, but who has the time, when we have to work endlessly just to provide for our families? The constant barrage of shift after shift, call after call, day after day, takes a toll on us. A recent research study showed that 18 percent of all suicides are committed by EMS providers. “Among first responder suicides for whom circumstances were known, intimate partner problems, job problems and physical health problems were most frequent” (U.S. Fire Administration, 2023).

We can’t deny the statistics, but how can we change it? For starters, before you begin a new job or a new relationship, you need to think about it and have a talk with your partner. Explain the demands of the job: long and unpredictable hours, missed holidays, mental stress from calls we respond to, etc. That partner needs to understand what they are getting into, so they can have a choice whether or not that is something that they are willing to accept.

Our families also need to understand that sometimes we need sleep, more than we need to mow the yard. We need rest more than we need to go grocery shopping. We will miss important days and milestones, not because we want to or because we don’t care, but because our job isn’t as flexible as we sometimes with it was. Our families need to understand that we can’t always answer our phone when they call or text us, not because we are ignoring them, but we might be with a patient. Our families also need to understand that sometimes we don’t want to talk about our day. Sometimes we see, hear, or do things that the general public wouldn’t understand, and we don’t always want to talk about it. They also need to understand that we are human. We can’t just shut our emotions off when we leave work, and home stuff also follows us to work.

This is going to require a lot of understanding between you and your family, and sometimes we expect a little too much from them, that’s where the added stress and strain comes into play. We got into EMS because we want to help people, but sometimes you have to make a personal decision, is helping people worth hurting or losing your family, or can you compromise and make it work.

References

First Responders Initiative. (2023). About us. First Responders Initiative. https://www.firstrespondersinitiative.org/more-about-me#:~:text=While%20the%20national%20divorce%20rate,averages%20between%2060%2D75%25.

U.S. Fire Administration. (June 8, 2023). Study Examines Higher Suicide Rates Among First Responders. U.S. Fire Administration. https://www.usfa.fema.gov/blog/study-examines-higher-suicide-rates-among-first-responders/